confusion enough

although the tao that can be written about is not the true tao, i will write about it anyway. tao is the way. it is the natural flow of the universe. it seems that to be human is to have the opportunity to actually not go with the tao (this is of course only sensible from a dualistic perspective; in unity nothing can be not tao). self-consciousness (as opposed to self-awareness) is the action of mind attempting to grasp mind, thereby interrupting mind’s natural tao-aligned activity. it’s something i experience all the time.

how, then, does a self-conscious person become attuned to the tao? self-consciousness is first used as a tool to study self-consciousness. it is a bad habit, so it (for most) cannot be abandoned without force. and force (i.e. exerting will on the universe as opposed to acting effortlessly with the tao) is necessary to change habits. so to abandon self-consciousness we must use self-consciousness. to transcend ego we must use ego.

my approach is to try to be self-conscious of self-consciousness. it is difficult to describe exactly how this works, but i try to catch myself catching myself. as a result, i instead catch myself doing other things in my mind that themselves encourage self-consciousness. i focus on one category of mental activity that causes self-consciousness at a time, and when i become sharply aware of it concurrent with its arising, it ceases to have power and becomes integrated into the flow. then it vanishes. some examples of these “other things”: insecurity, obligation, worry, insincerity &c. this is where meditation is useful. it is the activity that trains directed and on-the-spot awareness.

‎”You must chase your own tail until you finally and fully absorb the fact that it is attached to your ass.” -Ruth Kim Webley

we have thus established the conceptual framework behind the goal of being in tune with the tao. to reach a place of no self-consciousness or no ego you must abandon the last goal (which is also the first) of attaining the goal. but this can only be done when the goal of attainment is the ONLY obstacle remaining. while other obstacles remain, they must be addressed, and they can only be addressed (as far as i’ve figured out) by a willful self-conscious self.

before ever attaining the “final goal,” you will spontaneously find yourself in tune with the tao. or, more accurately, not find yourself, but will just BE in tune with the tao. but it will come & go until the obstructions are cleared off. it is the feeling of being in the flow. for example, when you’re skiing or in love or absorbed in a movie your self can kind of vanish. this is this being in accord with the tao.

“Having discerned his own self as irrelevant, he saw with true clarity.” -Chuang Tzu

tao is moving truth. it is not only the way everything is, but also the way everything moves, flows, changes, and becomes.

“Truth is the coincidence of thought and G-d, the Kotzker maintained, or the coincidence of the individual’s life with the will of G-d… There are no proofs to validate ultimate Truth, since perception and reason say one thing and Truth may reveal the opposite. The only alternative is to eliminate the self, to grow in faith. Faith is more perceptive than reason.” -Abraham Joshua Heschel

from heschel we have another definition for tao – the will of g-d. note that the old hebrew g-d is a dualistic one. he has power and he exerts it over the universe. but tao is a unity-based model. the tao is the universe-in-itself.

“To be truth is one and the same thing as knowing the truth… The truth is a snare: you cannot have it, without being caught. You cannot have the truth in such a way that you catch it, but only in such a way that it catches you.” -Kierkegaard

to catch the truth is to have the self AND to have the truth at the same time. but this is precisely what cannot occur. only when the self steps aside is there room for the truth to enter. when the truth “catches you,” it supplants you and you are gone.